I heard we made out
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
