It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
