I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
