he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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