I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
