okay pat passed out under dana's car
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
