I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
