Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
