My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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