Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
