I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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