well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
