I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
