i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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