your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
