yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
