I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
