The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
