Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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