He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
