This girl is more easily done than said...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize