I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
