and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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