THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
