Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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