I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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