I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
