I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
