But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
smell my finger.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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