considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
