if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
