so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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