He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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