Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
