How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
