I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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