let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
