I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Oh god it's open bar.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
