My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
