The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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