Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
