is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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