Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
