stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
