fuck your aforementioned shoe
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
