i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
