Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
