So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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