You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
