i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
