I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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