i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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