I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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