Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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