new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
