I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
