does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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