Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
