If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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