We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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