toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I didn't shave. On purpose
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
