marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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