we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
