I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
