Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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