Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
