So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
