i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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