There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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