I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
