Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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