Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
id be glad to
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
