Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
